


If You Jump, You Die

by j0yc3ee



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Fantasy, Light Angst, M/M, Parallel Universes, Strangers to Lovers, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-25
Updated: 2018-05-25
Packaged: 2019-05-13 14:16:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,200
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14750459
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/j0yc3ee/pseuds/j0yc3ee
Summary: In which they only meet through near-death experiences.





	If You Jump, You Die

**Author's Note:**

> Warning: mentions of suicide.  
> No one dies in this fic  
> Beta'd by Rae. She's a real sweetheart :)

It was crazy, Mingyu knew. It was the craziest thing he ever considered doing in the entirety of his pathetic life. But even so, nothing could change his mind now. Because even if it was stupid and crazy, it would be the kind of craziness that Mingyu didn’t mind doing just for the heck of it. He had nothing to lose anyway. Not when he had nothing anymore. Wonwoo took everything that day he left. 

His heart pounded in his chest as he stared at the busy streets down below. Mingyu thought it was more of excitement rather than fear because Mingyu was not afraid to die. For him death was freedom, hope, happiness, and many other good things he no longer had. He wanted to get it over and done with. To take that leap that would end his life. Mingyu couldn’t wait anymore. Did Wonwoo feel like this too? He wondered.

He had no idea what laid beyond this road he chose to take. So many questions. So many uncertainties. Death? Possibly. But even uncertainties could be good sometimes. Because it gave people hope. And Mingyu hoped for a good day ahead. Of rainbows and butterflies. Of Wonwoo smiling at him and Mingyu smiling back. Yes, hope was good and Mingyu couldn’t wait anymore.

It was probably around five in the afternoon judging from the orange and purple streaks in the sky the setting sun created. It was beautiful--but not as beautiful as the memory of Wonwoo in Mingyu’s head. Wonwoo was still be the most beautiful thing Mingyu ever laid his eyes upon.

He could already hear a voice in his head saying,  _ 'Don’t do this’ _ . The thought made Mingyu stop and consider his decision for a second – just for a second because the empty feeling in his chest was still stronger than the worries filling his head. He had a feeling Wonwoo would hate him for doing this but he couldn't change his mind now. Not when the cold wind, the cloudy sky that threatened to rain any minute and the sound of the busy streets down below all screamed ‘freedom’.

"Scold me when I see you alright?" he whispered, knowing the words wouldn’t reach Wonwoo but deciding it probably didn’t matter.

Mingyu took a deep breath and closed his eyes. The cold wind feels good against his skin. The faint sound of busy streets far down below is too inviting and Mingyu feels elated.

He stood on top of the railings and spread his arms loving the feeling of the cold wind on his skin. The feeling was too exhilarating that he found himself smiling. He just had to lean forward a little and everything would end in an instant – the emptiness in his heart, the monotonous cycles of days and nights, his shitty job, and his life in general which he found too stressful and lonely now that Wonwoo was no longer there to keep him company.

_ Yes,  _ Mingyu thought.  _ It was the perfect day to die. _

 

They first met on a bus station one morning when Mingyu was craving for a hot chocolate and a good night’s sleep. He was waiting for his ride home after a shitty day at the coffee shop where he worked part time. Even during the night shift, it was still a long, busy night with students cramming for exams, studying at the nearest 24-hour cafe they could find. Mingyu was exhausted and sleepy but he had to go to school in about five hours. But that didn’t hinder him from noticing the spectacled man sitting next to him looking lost and out of place. Mingyu had been staring indiscreetly but the guy seemed too distraught to notice.

The guy was gorgeous and Mingyu couldn't get his eyes off of him. He didn’t look like he was waiting for a bus. He was looking everywhere and the frown on his face deepened as he did so. He looked confused, as if he wasn’t supposed to be there. Then their eyes met and Mingyu instantly knew that something was wrong. Usually, Mingyu would mind his own business; but he was, admittedly, also weak when it came  to distressed cute guys in glasses.

“You’re gorgeous,” Mingyu said with a toothy grin, hoping he didn’t sound like a creep. The guy stared at him as if he was at a loss for words. Mingyu’s smile wavered a bit.

“I mean… I just thought the compliment might make you feel better. Because… you know… you seem... down.” Mingyu explained though the guy didn’t look like he cared. There seemed to be something else on his mind that Mingyu had a sudden desire to know of. “Are you ok?” he asked, genuinely concerned.

“Y-yeah. I guess,” the guy said before lowering his head and avoiding Mingyu’s gaze.

The bus arrived but Mingyu didn’t make an effort to leave. He shouldn’t be wasting his time like this. He should be on his bed getting every hour of sleep he could. But he couldn’t leave the guy alone. ‘ _ I’ll just wait for him to take the bus. And then I’ll leave,’  _ Mingyu reasoned to himself. 

It had been 30 long minutes but the guy still hadn’t left. “Actually…” the guy spoke and Mingyu gave him his full attention. “I’m not,” he said, answering Mingyu’s earlier question.

“Is something wrong?” Mingyu asked, eager to help. He scooted closer, dropping his Algebra book in the process which had been sitting on his lap during his last attempt to study for his exam.

The guy helped him pick it up and reached it before Mingyu did. 

But when Mingyu lifted his gaze to offer him a smile of gratitude, he found himself staring at an empty bench. He wondered if he had imagined everything.

The only thing that convinced Mingyu that the interaction had been real was the fact that his book disappeared too. He couldn’t find it anywhere -- even on the ground where he thought he dropped it. Maybe the lack of sleep is making him see things.  _ Yes, that could be it _ , Mingyu tried to convince himself.

 

Days passed but Mingyu couldn’t forget the man. A big part of him was wishing he was real and not just a product of his wild imagination brought about by too much stress. He wanted to see the guy again and he knew it was not just because he was curious. There was something else that made Mingyu wish they could cross paths again, and this feeling made him promise to find the guts to ask for his name  if that ever happened.

His wish came true two weeks later when Mingyu came out of his morning class. He didn’t exactly pop out of thin air -- though Mingyu almost expected he would after how he literally disappeared right in front of his face. The man was standing by the university’s gate, dripping wet, shuffling his feet impatiently and just like before, looking lost. It was the beginning of spring so the weather was still cold. Mingyu wondered how long he had been standing there in wet clothes. Was he waiting for someone? A girlfriend? A boyfriend? The thought made Mingyu’s heart clench for some reason.

The guy looked his way then broke into a smile when he saw him.  _ Oh _ , Mingyu thought. He tried to ignore the fluttering feeling in his heart after knowing that the guy was waiting for him. Mingyu walked closer and the guy met him halfway, smile never leaving his face.

“You’re… drenched.” Well, not exactly the usual thing to say to a stranger you had only seen once but Mingyu’s brain probably short circuited from all the weird feelings in his heart, meaning it was  the only thing his stupid head could come up with at the moment.

The guy’s cheeks turned a light pink and Mingyu thought  it was cute. “I kinda… uhm… had a swim.”

Mingyu chuckled. “With your bag on?” he asked, noticing his backpack was also soaked.

“Long story,” the guy gave up explaining but that didn’t stop Mingyu from wondering. He was curious but decided questions could  wait. They had time anyway. Hopefully. First things first, the guy needed to change. Then, they could probably talk over coffee afterwards.

“Come on. I’ll get you something to change into. My place isn’t too far from here,” Mingyu said before taking the guy’s hand in his leaving the man with no choice but to follow his lead.

“I’m Kim Mingyu by the way.” Mingyu said, waiting for the guy to introduce himself as well.

“Jeon Wonwoo.”

Mingyu stopped shortly to take off his jacket and wrap it around Wonwoo, who insisted he was fine and that Mingyu should take it back. But Mingyu ignored him and continued walking like it’s no big deal.

It took them 10 minutes to reach Mingyu’s place. They were both freezing when they reached home. Mingyu gave Wonwoo some change of clothes and pointed the bathroom out so Wonwoo can take a shower while he made coffee. 

Wonwoo looked squishy and small in Mingyu’s clothes that Mingyu couldn’t help but smile. Wonwoo blushed once more and it made him look more adorable in Mingyu’s eyes. Mingyu motioned for Wonwoo to have a seat and he did.

“So, you were looking for me?” Mingyu asked.

“Oh, yeah…” Wonwoo pulled out something from inside his bag and gave it to Mingyu. “Uhm… I didn’t mean to take it.” It was the Algebra book Mingyu dropped at the bus station. It was wrapped in a plastic bag and was  probably the only dry thing Wonwoo carried with him. “Sorry, it took me weeks to give it back. It took me a while to figure out how to see you again.”

“It’s fine. I’ve finished my exams so I won’t be needing this for a while. How did you find me anyway?”

“The name of your university was written on the back. You even drew a map. It was cute by the way. I mean, who does that? Next time, leave a contact number. It would have made my life so much easier.” Wonwoo explained with a light chuckle. He didn’t seem bothered by all the trouble he went through, but Mingyu still felt bad about it. 

“How long were you waiting for me in those drenched clothes?” Mingyu asked in a tone that was half worried and half reprimanding. It earned a smile from Wonwoo.

“Not very long. It was a good thing you were very tall. Hard to miss.”

They talked for hours about anything and everything. Mingyu learned that Wonwoo is older by a year. He also learned that Wonwoo liked kittens but hated dogs. Mingyu told Wonwoo about his dog, Aji, who lived with his Mom and with whom he facetimed every night because he missed her. Wonwoo laughed at this because ‘you should facetime your girlfriend, not your dog’. It led to Mingyu admitting he was gay and learning that Wonwoo was, too. It came as a pleasant to Mingyu, of course, but he didn’t let it show. 

He asked Wonwoo to stay for dinner so he could ‘show off his cooking skills’. Wonwoo agreed, saying he deserves to be fed after all the trouble he went through. Mingyu asked Wonwoo to wait at the living room while he prepares dinner. 

When all was done he went in search for Wonwoo but all he saw was an empty couch, the television playing a variety show, Wonwoo’s bag in the corner and no Wonwoo. He was gone the same way as before, leaving Mingyu alone with dinner for two. Mingyu tried to convince himself that he wasn’t disappointed.

 

The next time Mingyu saw Wonwoo, it was a month later. He was waiting by the door of Mingyu’s apartment looking very pale and out of breath. Mingyu felt too many emotions all at once that it was almost suffocating. Confusion because there were so many questions left unanswered. Anger because Wonwoo came into his life and left like a storm without warning. Worry because Wonwoo didn’t look very well. Mingyu let the last one take over and rushed to help Wonwoo who could barely stand.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah, just need to lie down for a bit.”

Mingyu helped Wonwoo lay down on his bed, worry still evident on his face. “What happened?”

“Long story…”

“I have time.” Mingyu was more determined to hear answers this time. He couldn’t just let Wonwoo disappear on him without knowing the whole story.

“Carbon monoxide poisoning,” Wonwoo explained.

“God, Wonwoo. Don’t you think you should be in the hospital right now?”

“It wasn’t serious. I’m fine. I didn’t stay in the car for long.”

“In the car? Were you…? Did you…?”

“Try to kill myself? Yeah… but no, I’m not suicidal. I’m still happy with my life.”

“You’re not making any sense, hyung.”

_ Hyung _ . It was just a slip of the tongue but Mingyu liked the sound of it on his lips.

“Later. I’ll tell you later.”

Mingyu was anxious. He wasn’t sure if he should trust Wonwoo. How could he be sure that Wonwoo would still be there if he so much as blink his eyes? It felt like he could disappear any minute and that thought alone made Mingyu scared. He wanted to understand the man. But Wonwoo looked so fragile, so pale and Mingyu knew he badly needed rest so he conceded.

“You know, I never had the chance to taste your cooking.” Wonwoo said and Mingyu can tell he was close to sleeping.

“I’ll cook you something. Anything in particular you wanna eat?” Mingyu asked. Wonwoo smiled but his eyes remained closed.

“Surprise me.”

Mingyu made a simple dish -  pumpkin soup. It was something he knew Wonwoo needed, easy to digest and tasty enough. He let out a sigh of relief when he went back to the bedroom and found Wonwoo still there with his eyes closed. If he didn’t speak, Mingyu would have thought he was sleeping.

“Is it done yet?” Wonwoo asked without opening his eyes.

“Impatient, are we?” Mingyu said with a hint of amusement in his voice.

“Just excited.” Wonwoo stood up looking fully recovered. “Lead the way, servant.”

That made Mingyu laugh. “You sound like a spoiled brat of a prince.” There really is something about Wonwoo that made him feel warm and fluttery inside.

They shared the meal and just like last time, they talked about anything and everything. Wonwoo’s comment _ ‘You really weren’t lying when you said you’re a great cook, huh?’ _ made Mingyu really happy that he couldn’t wipe the grin off his face even if he wanted to. At some point Wonwoo finally told him the story behind everything that happened so far. It was more than Mingyu could ever imagine.

  
  


Wonwoo’s first trip to a parallel universe was nothing less than exciting. He was crossing the street and he didn’t notice that there was a speeding car headed towards him. Everything happened so fast and in between confusion and fear, Wonwoo found himself standing at a bus station (not in the middle of the street where Wonwoo would swear he was standing seconds ago). Everything looked different but the same. The signboards suggested he was still in Seoul. He could see the subway station in the distance and it was still the same as what he remembered except for the name (since when did they have Mangu subway station?). There was a university across the street. Wonwoo studied in the same university, but for some reason the school had changed its name to Pledis.

Wonwoo found himself lost in a city that seemed familiar but so different from his memory. Everything was so confusing.

“You’re gorgeous,” a tall guy with a cute smile said and it took Wonwoo a whole minute to realize he was talking to him.

“I mean… I just thought the compliment might make you feel better. Because… you know… you seem... down,” the guy said when he didn’t receive a response, and it made Wonwoo’s heart flutter but he didn’t let it show.

“Are you ok?” The guy asked and Wonwoo didn’t know how to act around a man who was showing genuine concern.

“Y-yeah. I guess,” he replied before lowering his head and avoiding the man’s scrutinizing gaze.

30 minutes and the guy was still keeping him company even though they didn’t exchange conversations. Wonwoo was too panicked and confused to initiate small talk with a stranger., but the genuine concern from the man made Wonwoo reconsider and maybe (even if the guy looked too soft to hurt a fly) he could help Wonwoo understand whatever the fuck is going on.

“Actually… I’m not,” he said, answering the guy’s earlier question of whether he was okay.

“Is something wrong?” the guy asked dropping his book in the process. Wonwoo picked it up and when he looked up to give it back, the guy was no longer there. Everything was back to normal. The places looked the same as he last remembered. The only object out of place was the book he was still holding in his hand.

 

Wonwoo spent the next week trying to figure out how to return the book. There was the name of a university at the back - Pledis University. Wonwoo remembered it as the university he saw that one time when he was at the bus station. There were also the initials “K.M.” which Wonwoo assumed to be the initials of the tall guy with a cute smile. There was a map attached at the back and it made Wonwoo think,  _ how cute. _ There were drawings of landmarks labeled with names Wonwoo didn’t recognize. Just like before, everything looked familiar, but different.

Wonwoo tried to recall the incident that led to him meeting the guy. He remembers almost getting hit by a car. He wanted to try it out and see if it would work. He picked up his bag and filled it with clothes; just in case he managed to land in an unknown place, then he’d have some change of clothes at least. He placed the book in his bag and went to the exact same place where he almost died.

The timing had to be right. Taking a deep breath, Wonwoo saw a car coming closer. He counted the seconds in his head then at the exact moment, he jumped in front of the speeding car.

But things were not the way he expected it would be. Maybe the car wasn’t fast enough, maybe the timing wasn’t right, or maybe there were too many variables out of his control, like that guy who pushed him out of the way.

Nevertheless, Wonwoo couldn’t recreate the same incident. It only landed him in a hospital with a couple of scratches and bruises.

Frustrated, Wonwoo tried to live his life like nothing happened. The book sitting on top of his desk was the only reminder that something weird happened.

“So are you telling me that you’ve been to a parallel universe?” Soonyoung, his best friend, asked. Wonwoo told Soonyoung everything - even the weird things that Wonwoo couldn’t explain himself. They were in Wonwoo’s room during one of Soonyoung’s sleepovers. Wonwoo liked these moments the most; when Soonyoung crashed over his place and was as loud as ever. It dragged Wonwoo’s emo self away.

“Can you think of any other explanation for it? I saw it Soon, one minute he was there, the next he wasn’t.”

“Maybe you’re stressed and seeing things?”

“How will you explain this book then?”

Soonyoung took the book and inspected it. He saw the doodles of a map at the back and the name of the university. He took his phone, probably to Google it. Wonwoo already tried searching for it so he knew it was futile. Soonyoung was frowning as understanding finally dawned on him.

“Ok, fine. Let’s say you really did go to a parallel universe. So what now?”

“I want to go back.”

“How are you gonna do it?”

“I was running out of ideas, honestly. But I thought of something just now. I need your help.”

Wonwoo dragged Soonyoung to the university. There were a few students who probably stayed up late studying in the library and were just heading back to their dorms.

The pool was located at the furthest part of the school. The swimming varsity team had just finished their practice so the place was empty except for the guard stationed near the main entrance. Wonwoo and Soonyoung sneaked in through the back door, all  while Soonyoung was trying to convince Wonwoo that whatever he was thinking, it was really a bad idea. Wonwoo wouldn’t listen, of course.

He was dressed in  black pants and ripped jeans, the book safely tucked inside his backpack, zip-locked in a plastic bag to make sure it wouldn’t get wet.

“Wonwoo, whatever stupid thing you have in your mind right now, just forget it.”

“Ok, here’s the thing,” he said, completely ignoring Soonyoung’s words. “Remember the first time I travelled to that parallel universe?”

“You said you almost died.”

“Exactly. So I figured, it only happens during near death experience.”

“I don't like where this is going.”

“I tried to recreate the same scene but it didn’t work.”

“Which could only mean your theory is wrong.”

“No. Maybe I have to experience a different way of dying.”

Soonyoung was shaking his head frantically when he finally understood what Wonwoo was trying to do. “No, no, no, Wonwoo. Don’t even think about it.”

But Wonwoo was already in the water, head fully submerged and Soonyoung had to go after him and convince him it was stupid. Soonyoung was trying his best to pull Wonwoo back up but he was very persistent. Soonyoung was getting tired and his lungs were starting to complain from lack of oxygen. He swam back to the surface to breathe and when he dived back in, Wonwoo was nowhere to be found.  _ Damn _ .

 

Wonwoo could feel his chest burning but his determination was so strong that he didn’t wanna stop. His lungs needed air but his head kept chanting ‘just a bit more’ and so Wonwoo kept going despite the pain. He didn’t know how long it lasted but at some point he felt his surroundings change. He didn’t feel like floating anymore. Wind blew and he shivered.  _ Wind? _ Wonwoo opened his eyes in surprise. He took a deep breath when he realized he could finally breathe again. He wasn't in the water anymore. He was sitting on a grassy lawn and judging from the position of the sun in the sky, it’s early morning.  _ Morning? _ Last- Wonwoo remembered, it had been night time. He looked around and saw the sign on top of the biggest building nearby - Pledis university. Wonwoo was grinning like an idiot as he stood up and brushed the dirt off his pants. He was soaking wet and freezing but he couldn’t be bothered by it.

The next time Wonwoo saw Mingyu, he was mesmerized. He was everything Wonwoo liked in a person. Handsome and cute at the same time. Wonwoo really couldn’t tell how he dids it but there was this puppy look on his face that Wonwoo liked a lot. He didn’t questions, but Wonwoo could tell he was dying to know a lot. He was very patient and very sweet and Wonwoo would be lying if he said he wasn’t a bit in love.

But of course he had to go back too soon. He couldn’t even say goodbye. One moment he was watching TV in Mingyu’s living room waiting for Mingyu to finish cooking, the next moment he was in Soonyoung’s bedroom with Soonyoung looking like he’d seen a ghost. Then he was wrapped in a tight hug as he consoled a sobbing Soonyoung who kept saying things Wonwoo barely understood because the words were slurred as he cried. He caught some of them, such as;  _ ‘God, Wonwoo I thought you died.’ _ and  _ ‘I’ve been looking for you the entire night. I couldn’t even sleep.’ _

“Sorry,” was all Wonwoo could say to his best friend and even if he was really apologetic, he couldn’t promise Soonyoung that he would never do it again.

 

“Wonwoo, don’t do this again please.” Soonyoung begged when Wonwoo told him his plans. He wanted to try carbon monoxide poisoning this time. He already prepared the coal briquettes which he was planning to burn inside his car later that night. He didn’t have to tell Soonyoung his plans but he felt like he owed his best friend that much. He didn’t tell him  _ when, _ though, for fear that Soonyoung would try to stop him.

“I’ll be fine, Soon.”

“What if you died for real?”

“I didn’t, did I?”

“Why do you even have to?”

Maybe it was because Wonwoo was a little bit in love with a certain Kim Mingyu. But he wasn’t ready to admit this to Soonyoung just yet so he kept quiet.

 

Wonwoo thought he was going to die for real. It was different from almost getting hit by a car or from drowning. He felt feverish and dizzy. His chest felt like it was burning and he was suffocating. Everything felt like it was playing out in slow motion. Minutes passed and the pain was still there -- but before he lost consciousness, his surroundings changed and he could breathe again. He felt liquid run down the side of his face. He didn’t realize he was crying. It was a very scary experience but when Wonwoo saw Mingyu once more, he was sure it was very much worth it.

 

For Mingyu however, it was quite a lot to take in. Things were finally making a lot more sense now and yet Mingyu didn’t want to believe it. Wonwoo came from another world. And he killed himself so they could meet. That was the most fucked up thing he heard in his life.

“You tried to kill yourself?” Mingyu asked for the nth time. Wonwoo nodded, getting a bit tired from hearing the same question from Mingyu. “So you could see me?” Another nod and a sigh. Seriously, how many times does Mingyu needs to hear it?

“Why? I mean… You could have died, hyung.”

“But I didn’t.”

“Still, you could have.”

“Let’s just forget it, okay? I didn’t die anyway.”

Mingyu looked at him, unconvinced, but he let the topic drop. Because at the back of his mind he was happy that Wonwoo made the decision to risk his life just to see him again. He was worried, yes. But seeing Wonwoo again was enough for Mingyu to forget the bad things and focus on the good ones. He decided to treasure every moment he had with Wonwoo because that was the least he could do.

 

It had been a week since Mingyu found Wonwoo in front of his apartment after almost dying from carbon monoxide poisoning. That was the longest Wonwoo stayed in his world and Mingyu couldn’t be any happier although at the back of his mind there is still that thought that Wonwoo would be gone one of these days and he couldn’t do anything about it.

They fell into a routine with Mingyu attending classes in the mornings, going home to have lunch with Wonwoo who usually cooked most of the time because he said ‘i may not be as good as you but I can cook too so let me do this as payment for crashing  your place’. Mingyu would take a nap afterwards, then he would head to his part time job at the cafe from midnight until early morning . He would come back home to find Wonwoo either sleeping or reading one of the books Mingyu forgot he had. A breakfast would be waiting for him too. Everything felt so domestic and Mingyu fell a bit more in love every day.

“How was work?” Wonwoo asked. Mingyu found him curled up on the couch, a cup of coffee on one hand and an open book on the other. He was wearing his glasses because he was basically blind without it and he forgot to bring his contacts when he travelled to Mingyu’s world. Mingyu secretly liked that look.

“It was okay. No cramming students pulling an all nighter so there were less work to do.”

“Tired?” Wonwoo scooted to the corner leaving a space on the other side of the couch, which Mingyu gladly took.

“Yeah. What’s for breakfast?”

“Nothing. Let’s have breakfast somewhere else.”

Before Mingyu knew it, he was being dragged outside by an excited Wonwoo and Mingyu could only stare at their intertwined hands, thinking about how soft Wonwoo’s skin was and how he wanted to hold it all the time.

They ended up having  breakfast at a nearby cafe where Mingyu’s friend, Minghao, worked.

“Hi Gyu,” Minghao said, clearly surprised because Mingyu rarely visited the cafe -- much less brought someone with him. He preferred cooking at home because it was practical and less expensive.

“Hi, Hao. Table for two.” 

“Who are you with? I believe we haven’t met.” The second statement was directed at Wonwoo, but he didn’t have to say anything because Mingyu was already introducing them.

“This is Wonwoo. Hyung, this is Minghao. He’s Chinese, but don’t be fooled. He curses in Korean more often than he does in Chinese.” 

Minghao’s smile clearly meant something, but he didn’t say anything so Mingyu expected the teasing to happen some other time. Not that he cared; - to him it didn’t matter if his friends thought he and Wonwoo were in a relationship. In fact, Mingyu secretly wanted it to be a reality.

Minghao and Mingyu were best of friends. Wonwoo could tell from the jokes they shared and how they interacted with each other. The two hadn’t met in a while because of their busy schedules, so they needed a moment to catch up while Wonwoo watched on the side, feeling out of place. He wanted to have that with Mingyu, too. Sharing jokes the two of them only understood, understanding each other without having to utter a single word. But all Wonwoo had at the moment was the fear that he would be forced to leave without even saying goodbye.

Once they were seated and Minghao left to prepare their orders, Mingyu noticed Wonwoo didn’t look as excited as he did when they left the apartment.

“Is something wrong?” Mingyu asked because that was definitely a frown on Wonwoo’s face.

“Nothing,” Wonwoo said before they both fell into an awkward silence. When Minghao came back to give their orders, Minghao also noticed the tense atmosphere but didn’t say anything. They both ate in silence with Mingyu attempting to make small talk, but failing when he didn’t receive a response more than a ‘yes’, ‘no’ and ‘hmm’.

They didn’t stay long. Wonwoo insisted he would pay for the food, saying ‘We use the same currency, Mingyu. I can pay.’ A few minutes later, Mingyu was saying goodbye to Minghao and then they were walking back to the apartment, but Wonwoo’s mood didn’t improve.

“Hyung, buy me ice cream.” The request was so out of place that Wonwoo had to turn around to face Mingyu who was still a few steps behind. The tall puppy had a grin on his face, not letting Wonwoo’s sour mood ruin his day.

Wonwoo didn’t know how to react to that. He realized how weak he was whenever Mingyu gave him that puppy look. This time was no different. “Okay. I guess.”

The grin widened and then Wonwoo was being dragged to a nearby ice cream parlor by an overexcited puppy. Wonwoo couldn’t help but smile.

“Hyung, is this a date?” Mingyu finished his ice cream a long time ago and he was waiting for Wonwoo to finish his. They were sitting outside and despite it being almost noon, the wind made the weather much colder. Mingyu was staring at Wonwoo, still waiting for a response from the older.

“Do you want it to be?”

“I do.”

“Then it is.”

“Hyung…”

“Hmm?”

“Why were you mad earlier?”

Wonwoo was too embarrassed to admit that he was jealous. But of course Mingyu just had to be smart and figure it out. “Were you jealous? Of me and Hao?”

“No,” he lied although he knew he was really bad at it. It was worth a try.

Mingyu was smiling so brightly and Wonwoo avoided his gaze because it was uncomfortable. 

“You are,” Mingyu insisted and there was no hint of doubt in his voice. “You shouldn’t be though. I like you, hyung.” Wonwoo’s cheeks turned a light shade of pink. He didn’t expect that confession at all. Somehow Wonwoo felt stupid for feeling jealous earlier when he didn’t have any reasons to be. 

He wanted to tell Mingyu he felt the same. “I…” he started but before he can finish the sentence, his surroundings changed. Instead of an ice cream parlor he was staring at a cake shop.

“...like you too.” Wonwoo finished even though Mingyu was no longer there to hear it.   
  


 

Wonwoo spent most of his days at Soonyoung’s place. He was no longer used to being alone after spending so much time with Mingyu. Whenever he was at his own home, Wonwoo felt like crying. It was just his luck to fall in love with someone from another world. It was a whole new level of long distance relationship. He missed Mingyu so much.

Wonwoo learned that  time moved differently between the two worlds. Soonyoung said he was gone for a week when he clearly remembered spending a little over a week at Mingyu’s place. He wondered how Mingyu was doing since he left. He wanted to know so bad. He wanted to see him so bad. 

Wonwoo could tell that Soonyoung was worried about him. His best friend kept trying to convince him to move on and forget Mingyu. That it was not going to work out and he’d just end up getting hurt or worse, die. Wonwoo would be lying if he say he wasn’t scared. His last suicide attempt was still fresh in his mind.

But living without Mingyu is way scarier than dying. So Wonwoo just had to do it again. 

  
  


The next time Mingyu saw Wonwoo he was lying on the floor, unconscious with blood dripping from his slit wrist. In a panic, Mingyu called an ambulance and Wonwoo was taken to the hospital. That was the first time Mingyu felt genuine fear. Mingyu only calmed down when the doctors told him Wonwoo would be fine but had to stay in the hospital for a couple of days. Wonwoo would live and that was the most important thing.

Mingyu was curled up in a chair right next to Wonwoo’s bed when Wonwoo opened his eyes. Mingyu looked like a mess and Wonwoo felt bad for making him worry.

“Mingyu…”

Mingyu woke up from the sound of Wonwoo’s voice.

“Hyung…” He was beside Wonwoo in a flash, worry still evident on his face. “Are you okay? Do you feel pain? Do you want me to call the doctor?”

Wonwoo shook his head. “No, I was just worried about you. You looked uncomfortable in that chair. Let’s share the bed. I think it’s big enough for us.”

Wonwoo scooted to the side so Mingyu can lay down beside him. 

“Hyung…” Mingyu said after a while. He was still so Wonwoo thought he fell back to sleep.

“Hmmm?”

“I think you should stop.” He didn’t have to say more. Wonwoo understood. It was one thing to hear it from Soonyoung but it was another thing to hear it straight from Mingyu - the reason why he was doing it in the first place.

“Are you getting tired of me?” Wonwoo asked trying to lighten the mood.

“No, hyung. Of course not. I’m just worried.” Wonwoo let out a deep sigh. The wound on his wrist suddenly felt more painful than moments ago. He knew Mingyu was right. He should stop. 

“You know, hyung. It’s easier for me knowing that you’re out there somewhere safe than seeing you here with me but barely breathing. I was really scared you know.”

“Sorry...” was all Wonwoo could say.

“Don’t do it again, hyung. Please.”

Wonwoo looked at Mingyu and he saw the tears streaming down the younger’s face. He could feel his eyes getting wet too. Could he really make that promise? Could he even keep it? Mingyu was the most wonderful person he ever met. Could Wonwoo live without him? 

He scooted closer so that his head was laying on top of Mingyu’s chest. He felt Mingyu’s arm tighten around his waist. It felt good. The sound of his heartbeat, the soft touches. It was perfect. Wonwoo would treasure it forever.

“Okay, Mingyu. I promise,” Wonwoo said in the quietest voice before he closed his eyes. 

He couldn’t sleep that night. Not when he knew he didn’t have enough time. He wanted to treasure every moment he had with Mingyu, especially these ones - where they lied down close together, heartbeats beating in a rhythm that Wonwoo could only interpret as love.

 

Wonwoo was released from the hospital after a week. He was given an advice to see a psychologist which Wonwoo politely declined. There was nothing wrong with him after all. It was something they would never understand so he gave up trying to explain. Mingyu took a leave of absence from his part time job. He said he wanted to spend as much time with Wonwoo as possible.

They tried different kinds of dates; from watching movies, to noraebang, playing arcade games, and indoor picnic. Many times, Wonwoo wanted to tell the younger how much he meant to him. How much he loved him. But each time, Wonwoo held himself back. All the things they had right now were just temporary. He didn’t want to leave the younger with unnecessary feelings he couldn’t do anything about. 

“Mingyu…”

“Yes, hyung?” They were lying on the couch watching a movie that Wonwoo couldn’t understand because his mind was elsewhere.

“Promise me something too.” He waited for Mingyu’s full attention before he continued, “Promise me that when I leave, you won’t wait for me. You’ll move on, fall in love with a wonderful person and be happy.”

Wonwoo waited for his response but instead of a yes, he felt lips on top of his own. Soft and sweet and gentle. “I can’t,” was Mingyu’s response. They were still breathless from the kiss they shared.

“I won’t promise something I can’t keep. You’re the only person I will fall in love with. No one else. But I will promise I won’t wait. If that will keep your mind at ease. I will not wait for you to come back, Jeon Wonwoo. So you have to keep your promise, too.”

 

They only had five more days after that before Wonwoo went back to his own world. Just like always, there were no warnings, no signs. Wonwoo couldn’t even say goodbye and Mingyu couldn’t even tell Wonwoo he loved him one last time. One minute he was there, sitting on the couch, reading a book, the next minute he wasn’t. 

“Hyung, I…” Mingyu wanted to say something but when he turned, Wonwoo was no longer there. Swallowing the lump in his throat and trying to hold back tears, Mingyu went to bed that night feeling like he lost a big part of his heart. And for the record, he really did miss a part of it because Wonwoo will forever have it with him.

  
  


And now after six months without Wonwoo, Mingyu couldn’t get his life back to normal. School had been more stressful lately, especially when he was studying something he wasn’t very passionate about. Work was draining the hell out of him even though it was by choice. He thought working himself to death was a better option than resting at home and feeling lonely by himself. Everything felt so suffocating that he wanted to run away.

He promised Wonwoo he wouldn’t wait but every time he went home he couldn’t help but wonder if he would find Wonwoo behind the door when he opened it. At night before he slept, he wondered if Wonwoo was staying up late reading. Or in the morning he wondered if Wonwoo still looked adorable with his bed hair and pouty lips.

And then one day Mingyu decided he had had enough. He wanted to take the risk just like how Wonwoo did. If Wonwoo couldn’t come to him then it was his turn to come to Wonwoo. Even if there were too many uncertainties, he’d rather die trying than live with the questions of ‘what ifs’ dancing in his head.

Mingyu climbed up the stairs to the rooftop of the tallest building of their University. The view upstairs was breathtaking but Mingyu couldn’t find it in himself to appreciate it.

He started counting down the seconds, letting out a light chuckle as his mind came up with something ridiculous. He supposed it wouldn't hurt to do it the Kim Mingyu way - count the seconds to his last breath.

5 seconds and Mingyu was taking a long deep breath, eyes closed and a contented smile on his face.

4 seconds and he was opening his eyes once more, fixing his gaze at the busy streets 30 storey below and wondering how he ended up in that predicament – pathetic and suicidal.

3 seconds and he’s turning, twisting his body so he couldn't see the pavement below. He decided he wanted to see the sky as he fell down instead of the shocked faces of strangers he didn’t care about. 

2 seconds and he was leaning back, a smile grazing his lips as he falls and he thinks, ‘Finally...’

1 second and he was closing his eyes again, waiting for that impact that would give him his freedom.

The waiting took longer than Mingyu's patience could handle. It was torturous and awfully too long. He was prepared to die. He waited for the feeling of smashing his head on the concrete floor. For some strange reason, Mingyu felt like floating instead of falling.

He was waiting for the pain. He was anticipating it. But it never came. All he felt was the grass on his back and the soft touch of falling leaves. He could hear the sound of a fountain and kids' laughter from a distance. And then a voice spoke with a hint of surprise.

_ “Mingyu? Is that you?”  _

Mingyu’s eyes were closed so he couldn’t see who spoke but he heard that voice so many times that he knew who it belonged to. “I love you,” the voice said just when Mingyu thought he’d never get the chance to hear it. When he opened his eyes he was right. Wonwoo was there all smiles and teary-eyed.

They said that if you jump, you’ll die. But they were wrong. So, so wrong.

_ If I jump, I fall and then I live. _

 


End file.
